Corporate Culture

Someone called me to fix an appointment with her boss a few minutes back. She suggested 21st on the phone. I said just a moment let me check my diary. I opened my Outlook Calendar for 21st, it was a tabula rasa. I had nothing fixed for 21st. But rather than confessing to that, i played around for 3 minutes on the time slot - er morning is not good, i have a couple of meetings, not certianly evenings - i have internal meetings... and so on. Finally we fixed between 4-5.

I am sure all of you are are busier than I am, and I am sure you really do have to juggle with schedules and between who wants to meet you and whom you want to meet everyday.

But I am sure too that there is a load of attitude here as well. Are we really that busy? I think not. Then why does it take so much time and effort to fix a meeting?

I guess it has to do with two factors:

First of course, my image, brand value etc. If I am easily accessible to people, ergo I am not important. There is a very good hindi term for this Bhao Khana and this, I think permeats all level of corporate hiererchy in India [must be elsewhere, after all we are not that original and muct have copied it from the Brits or Americans].

Also, on rare occasions when we are really busy, it would be interesting to see what is keeping us busy. More often than not "we are busy with nothing". Monday morning always busy cant give time to anyone [actually every Sunday evening I get drunk so cant be in office in time]; Friday afternoon skip office early to be chill out at home: so no appointments; Thursday mornings: Boss takes stupid meetings, so cant go out of office. Wednesday lunch: office get toghther every week, need to be seen by bosses as a man of masses. So on and on and on.

If this is not enough, there is always the "solid" reason for travelling. Let us deconstruct travelling a bit with an example: Recently, I attended a conference sponsored by a big MNC brand [they had not role in the conference except to pay the money and get their brand ambassador to speak]. At the last count I spotted 6 senior executives from that company present at the confernce [all of them were travelling to the conference, and were not in their offices for the duration of the conference!]. My suggestion, please stop pretending to be busy,take a serious look at what is keeping you busy.

The second reason could be more objective and scientific: Conflict between who wants to meet me and whom I want to meet. There is always a mismatch, I would like to meet the CEO of the company to get busines while the marketing manager of the compamy wants to meet me to for a job. This is an old struggle and example can be multiplied ad infinitum. My sincere advice, find time to meet both and both of them may bring value to your business/life.

My Take: Stop basking in self importance. Your presence is not necessary, and what u can do for me many others can do too. I am just giving you an opportunity by seeking to meet you.

Bundled Software

Do not be alarmed, I do not intend to take on Microsoft with this post. I simply like microsoft and think by and large they are doing a good job and given some time they will do better.
This is about a much simpler thing really. Not so simple! But what the heck!

I am an avid late night TV watcher (programmes are more interesting as you will soon see why, there are no sas bahu serials at that time [bahus have all gone to sleep by then to be up early morning to make parathans for their adoring and diamond ring giving husbands]; and more importantly this is my sleep replacement therapy and thought time.

Since a few nights I have been watching a TV channel called Zee Music. It is an entertainment channel (the other two genre of channels in India being News and Serials, there is no fourth type [not incuding "phoren channels such as Discovery and NatGeo]. Zee Music is a reasonably good channel for entertainement [Movie clips, reviews, songs, all administered by skimpily clad hostesses [although you have to bear with Komal Nahata from time to time].

It was not one of the songs or one of the pretty hostesses which attracted my attention. It was Malaika Arora that drew my attention. I am yet to meet a man whose attention she does not draw!. But it was not her that drew my attention, really [I swear, i am telling you the truth].

Between the numerous songs and dances, there is an interesting filler called "Eye Candy". And you guessed it, it a all about Ms Arora, displaying her wealth [these clips runs for a few minutes showing her in the bath tub, or frolicking around in hotpants etc] Damned good and certainly more than just eye balls for the channel.

But even this did not attract my attention {I again swear I am telling you the truth}

So what did? OK here it is. Eye Candy showing Malaika Arora in various stages of undress. These clips also have a sponsor: a popular cocunut hair oil. Interesting business model to get fillers too sponsored. But what is even more interesting is that the model for this hair oil [and no prizes for guessing] is Malaika Arora.

Here at last is a marketing head who thinks [aslo envisons]

My take: This is what I called bundled software! Bill Gates Take Note, please,

Seriously Stupid

Let me be seriously stupid this time. I am tired of acting and being wise all the time.

Are you one of those who suffers from a modern afflication called mobile menace? if you are serioisly mentally challenged not to know what I mean, you do not need to or you are one of the lucky ones who does not own a mobile phone.

Coming to the point I am making, no a Sunday (or even a weekday) does not go by when I do not curse some of the biggest and shall i say the best businesses in India. And since I know many of these CEOs by name and reputation I curse them by name. The culprits are typically my mobile phone service provider (AirTel), ICICI Bank some insurance companies etc. My curse goes like this: My airtel subscription does not entitle Airtel to subject me to stupid calls (I am calling from Airtel, sir, do you want to change to post paid: My answer: Darling if you are calling from AirTel you should know I changed to post paid four months ago, then under my breath: Thanks for calling darling, please make the next call to Mr Sunil Mittal!). Exactly the same call and same response to ICICI credit cards (I have a card for a year[i had it just to get rid of such calls, but that did not help!], ending with under my breath: Thank you darling can you make the next call to Mr Kamath or one of those formidable ladies at ICICI.

Mind you I am a not for a minute averse to the idea of mobile marketing/selling. But it is the brainless way in which it is done which irks me. Seriously, i do not mind if a good marketeer calls me on Sunday afternoon and engages me cleverly [a good coversation is still at a premier in this country on the mobile or face2face]. But no, it has to be something stupid, or something I already have, or something i will never need.

Why cant we make it more intelligent. But how do we do it? If I knew the answer, I would probably be the CMO (that's chief marketing officer for you) at a large company. But what the heck, this is a blog and I am free to come up with any suggestions!

1. Please do some homework on the data that u have stolen or bought or some DSA offers you.

2. Do not go by the numbers (do not be impressed by me if I offer you 2Lakhs mobile numbers in Delhi and Mumbai (ask questions such as do you have a profile behind these numbers?

3. Reduce the numbers to one tenth (out of 2 lakhs pick up only 20K

4. Ask DSA to call each of these numbers and offer a 25 Rs top up if pre paid OR a 30 Rs download free (please stick to your promise) and then say Sir/ Madam: would you please listen to me and get this reward.

5. i am sure it would be more rewarding for both the seller and the consumer

6. Over a period of time you would be able to build up a database of people who would be anxiusly waiting for your call (to top up their accouts and pass on the good word about your products)

7. Please remember, just because I stay in Delhi does not mean I speak Hindi

Please do not steal my ideas, think something of your own.

My take: Most marketing heads do not think, they just follow other marketing heads

Bragging at BlogCamp

The recent blogcamp at Chennai turned out to be quite an exciting "unconference" that the organisers stylishly and shall I say rebelliously called it.

There was nothing rebellious about the blogcamp. To begin with it was very well organised, quite well structured, sponsored by big names such as Yahoo! India and Nokia (you cannot get more mainstream than that). More interestingly, "successful bloggers" elicited the loudest claps (as in a conference). Sunil Gavaskar was charming and not at all out of place in a place where I an under 40 thought mydself to be the oldest living being around!

Like elsewhere, the parallel track two was more interesting which was dedicated to the tools and rules of the game.

I was happy to observe some of the sharperst and keenest young and not so young minds in India are clearly dedicating some of their time (in this age when time is really money) and knowledge to a public good. Most of the participants, I found out held lucrative jobs or were students at premier institutions (one step away from lucrative jobs!).

My greatest discovery at the camp was however a book called India Smiles. Sulekha.com one of India's largest online properties ran an online contest on humourous stories, the best entries comprise this book. It is brilliant! there is no other word to describe. Each story is worth a read. The book is published by penguin and costs 135 rupees. Sadly, however, the book included in the "unconference kit" (there was also a delegate kit, if can not get more conferency than that!) reminded me of the still unchallenged power of the print media!

Let's have more of these camps!

My take: Who is a rebel? One who challenges a system to claim a his/her place in the system and then perpetrate it!