Mind your language

As bilinguals and trilinguals Indians have a distinct advantage overseas as well as within India about the language the choose to express themselves. The choice is of course largely determined by who you are talking to, what you want to disucss and whom you want to exclude out ofthe coversation. Say you want to badmouth Mumbai in a crowded bus and you are travelling with you can easily break into Bengali with your bengali speaking friend and rest assured that no one else will understand and respond adversely. In London, you can easily break into Hindi with most Indians leaving the sahibs to look perplexed. In Delhi you can start talking in Tamil and in Chennai in Punjabi. In Bihar you can safely break into English!
This was my wisdom for many years, having grown up among Begalis, Punjabis, Sindhis and Hindi speaking friends. But that gradually began to change as a result of some rude and some pleasant surprises as I became older.
The first experience was a shock... Standing in the admmission queue at New Delhi's JNU, I freshly from Calcutta broke into Bengali with my mates from Calcutta and started criticising not in very charitable language. Until I was told by the student standing behind told me in crisp Bengali that he was a Tamil but could speak Bengali like a native....I as chastised.
The second incident actually did not happen because I was forewarned. This was in a place called School of Oriental and African Studies in London University where I studied for 4 years. I was forewarned by seniors not to use any Indian languages especially to criticise teachers. Apparently between them, the SOAS teachers, most of them British, knew all the Indian and African languages.... I soon go the proof when I met Rachel Dwyer, a teacher, who knew more about hindi movies that half the mumbaikars put together.
But once on a vacation with friends in a really really remote village of Scotand near the Edzell castle on a hiking expedition all by ourselves, we broke into chaste hindi and was being very uncharitable to the "stupidity" and miserliness of the Scots. On the jungle track very far and out of ear shot we say two very old ladies approaching us. We had not expected to see any human being in those parts let alone two old ladies who could speak chaste Hindi since they had spent much of their childhood in what was then the Central Provinces of India. The older of the two hugged us and said Indians were like her "jigar a tukda". A very embarrassing moment avoided since being advanced in years and quite far away she had not heard our views about Scots.
The last incident happened two months back at a large business conference that we had organsed. Three speakers dropped out at the last moment, and I was left with the worst speaker of the session and the much respected and very senior session moderator and was desperately looking at picking up some good speakers from the delegates as the ultimate effort to save the day. The session moderator was the head of a very large company and a Tamil. He could see the tension on my face and gently tapped my shoulder and said in chaste bengali"Chinta Koro Na Sob Thik Hoye Jaabe" [don't worry everything will be alright]. Those were the most comforting words I have heard recently. Thanks to his confidence booster we did manage to have a very good session and end the conference very successfully.
I now have stopped doing bilaterals in a crowd and stopped taking advantage of language and do really mind my laguage.

Sleepless for Mumbai

Last week I was in Delhi, but spent a couple of sleepless nights thinking about the future of Mumbai, a city I seem to be slowly and quite unintentionally adopting to be my home town. My views on Mumbai are not private and secret and I do not hesitate to reiterate it once again: I like it in small measure, but in large measure I do not like the city... For two reasons mainly:
1. It does not teach you to struggle [weather is mild, people are mild, everything is too mild; water, sunlight, electricity are enough and easily avaialble, transport is easy, jobs are easy etc etc]. In India if your city does not teach you to struggle, if are deadmeat.
2. In spite of 1 above, it sucks quite a bit out of you slowly but surely, reminds you that your dreams are just dreams, takes a lot and gives you very little in return. It keeps you alive by giving you a subsistence that's it.
However, last few nights I have really been scared to return to Mumbai.
One reason was of course, the constant media coverage of so call lack of power supply in Mumbai and its suburbs and the impending doom thereof.... I for one am not scared of power cuts... But in Mumbai you are so helpless if that happens. because as i said earlier, the city has for generations not prepared you for a power cut. There are no invertors, generators etc etc here in Mumbai. In other parts of the country no one really cares the power supply is there or not, every one has their private arrangements.
The second reason was that there were talks of water shortage as well. Again for the same reasons Mumbaikar is not prepared to face it. She is so dependent on BMC suply that she has forgotten to make her own arrangements
The third reason was the news that BPO and ITjobs are going to be cut and Mumbai is one of the cities which is going to be majorly affected. That is going to pinch hard all those merry makers in the hypermalls
The fourth reason was that with the government tightening the money supply very seriously, there will be less of loans. I was wondering how will the Mumbaikar survive
The fifth reason was that with RBI cracking down on various bank rates, the stock market looks like a conoe in an open sea. bad luck to all those who make a killing and then buy fancy flats for cash in the posh suburbs
Finally, the biggest cause of my nightmare was the impending natural disaster. Along with bangladesh, Mumbai is going to be worst effected by rising sea level and large parts of Mumbai will be under the sea. Here again, Mubaikars have no experience of fighting natural calamities. except the July deluge a couple of years back.

I am really worried about Mumbai and Just want to tell Mumbaikars "Welcome to India my dears"

Emergency Response Team

Have you seen scenes of major train and plane accidents in India on TV. I have for many years and have come to the firm conclusion that no one who matters have seen these gory scenes on TV. Here is why.... the most riveting aspect of these scenes is a few local carrying mangled bodies to no where and a few local state police poking around the debris with lathis. In ultra urban areas like Mumbai, the scene is no different. My first memories of such a scene on coloured television was the clash of two planes over haryana on the wee hours of a foggy winter day. And my lasting memory of the scene of the accident was haryana policemen covered in blankets probing the debris with lathis. These memories were refreshed the other day when I watched the post blast scene in Mumbai on TV. Nothing much seems to have changed.

Haven't we realised in the 60 years of independence that police is not there for accident and emergency response, haven't we realised that there is no point in calling the police to the accident scene they do not know and are not expected to know the abc of emergency response, haven't we realised that security forces are not not gods or not least paramedics..... Clearly we have not. The result is all of us call up a hospital and the police in case of a major accident, terrorost attack, flood, or at best the fire brigade.

Since independence, we have riased so many special forces from teh BSF to the CISF that most people in the Home Ministry has lost count. We have, however, failed to raise on force that would have saved the lives of millions in the last 60 years... India does not have a centralised force of paramedics to response to emergency and trauma... We have spent trillions of dollars on national security but when that security is breached and ordinary citizens fall victim, we have no one to respond.

Dont you think we should have a national emergency response team with paramedics as members. This should be like any of the central security forces the only difference being that they are not fighters but saviours of lives, their jobs? to be the first on the spot, deliver on spot treatment and take them to the nearest hospital... end of work. What would they need? Ambulances, are medical emergency equipement, a few helicopters for large cities, training in paramedicine, driving skills. Where would they be based? In all district headquarters to begin with and their performance would be based on their response time... They would be commondos in a different sense. Where will the money come from? 50 per cent central government and 50 per cent corporates. We have enough money for a good cause, in the last 60 years we have created enough wealth, it is time that we use it for some good causes. This one is on top of my mind. At least, aesthetically, I do not have to see dead bodies being dragged by localvillagers and debris being poked by Police lathis....
What do you think?

When Did you Last...?

When did you last look at a traffic light beggar in the face? when did you last travelled without with the windows of the car open? when you last buy a shirt from a street vendor? when did you last visit a subzi mandi? when did you last bought your own booze from the booze shop? when did you last visit a temple without any result in mind? when did you last cuddled a baby? when did you last petted a dog or a cat? when did you last have a one-to-one with your office boy? when did you last have a vada pao on the streets? when did you walked the streets without a definite purpose and destination? when did you last write a non-official letter? when did you last say "you are great" to your parents? when did you last asked your partner what she wants? when did you last ask you help at home "how were the kids doing are they still n school"? When did you last help your child with the homeowork or a show and tell? when did you last looked at a pretty woman and told her how pretty she was? when did you last smell a rose? when did you last make a friend? when did you last laughed out aloud?

The gas balloon goes up and up till the gas lasts, after that it comes down directionless, shrunken and rather sad looking and completely useless....

Cheers