Delhi Women and Bearded Men

Just above the headlines the Hindustan Times carried this smaller headline leading to a news in the inside pages of the paper " Delhi women prefer to kiss clean shaven men". The Headlines screamed "Police Release Sketches of Suspected Bombers". This was a few days back and the headlines referred to the bomb blasts in Delhi.

Apart from the obvious surrealism of these two lines appearing together, the survey raises interesting questions [Quite apart from the most obvious question which shaving razor manufacturer could have sponsored the "research"?].

The first question that came to my mind was what type of women did the survey interview? Please note that Delhi is home to three of the most powerful women in India Mrs Sonia Gandhi, Mrs Pratibha Patil and Mrs Sheila Dikshit - were these and others such as Mrs Renuka Chaudhary, Mrs Jayanti Natarajan, Mrs Sushma Swaraj and Mrs Meira Kumar interviewed for the survey? I mean these are women of substance, if they were not a part of the survey on behaviour of women, the survey has no meaning.

The second question that came to my mind was in a city dominated by our Sardar and Jat friends who are very particular about their facial hair - the whole hog in the case of former and on upper lip in case of the latter - are our sisters in Delhi going Kissless for generations? Is this leading to further social tensions? Should our brothers in Delhi show some TLC to our Delhi sisters and take up that offer from the razor manufacturer to stem the tide of social tension?

The third question was more sinisiter - Do these surveys really matter to the Delhiwalla? We do not ask women of their opinion, nay dont even consider that they exist except when we feel naughty and want to pinch them and in any case most of the times we kill them even before they are born.....

There are surely better ways to sell razors to Delhi men... [what about " A lethal steel weapon, well crafted to kill and maim - you can also shave with it"]

Amen

PS: Look at the picture carefully, Aren't shaving razors beginning to look more and more like potato peelers? What does that make you, Brother?

Hardening Up

It has happened to me quite a few times in quite a few places. The first time it happened was when I was 14 years old and standing in a rather violent queue for a first day first show in my native land. A boy of my age decently attired came up to me and said that he had come from the nearby town and had lost his parents and did not have the bus fare to go back. I trusted him and gave him two rupees [the cost of the cinema ticket was three rupees just to give u a sense of "relativity"]. Crooked that I was even at that age, I started thinking if I had done the right thing or if I was royally cheated [My friends took me for a fool] and I promised not to be so gullible again.
The next time it happended was in Calcutta again at a cinema ticket counter, this time I was old enough to watch adult movies. A smartly dressed gent came up to me and on the pretext of losing his wallet asked for 25 rupees. I hesitated for a moment and then give away 25 rupees [a dress circle ticket at New Empire cost only 5.75 rupees then, u get the "relativity".
The last time it happened was in New Delhi railway station one fine morning when I was catching a train to Bihar. Again well-dressed gentleman with a wife in tow came up to me and said they they too were victims of pickpockets and had lost their money and tickets to Patna. Yes once again, I forked out 300 rupees again with that nagging feeling at the back of my head "was I being taken for a ride?".
Many years passed without trouble and things started improving. In fact for six years in my small way, I started paying a pound to homeless, buskers and drunks in various nooks and crannies of London. But the deal was simple, you give money for food or beer [no busker claimed to have been cheated by a recording company and no drunk claimed to buy vitamins]. And I started thinking world had changed while I was getting older - we were moving towards more transparency and clear RoI on charities.
So when this old lady stood in front of my seat in the AC first class compartment of Rajdhani Express one evening at Mumbai Central and claimed that she wanted to go back to Azamgarh and needed six hundred rupees, I hesitated checked my head first and then my heart, the latter once again won and I parted with the money feeling rather smug having helped an elderly person reach her family.
My happiness lasted for two weeks. Exactly a fornight later under exactly the same circumstances, I found the same lady in front of me with the same story asking for exactly the same amount of money. I will not tell you what I did... But all these and many other stories came to my mind that night and I was convinced that all my life I was gullible and a victim of cheats.
Now I am a hardened man, [I have even stopped paying the beggar at Defence Colony the customary one rupee that I paid everyday for three years].
Can you blame me? I keep feeling guilty though, especially when I pass under the Andheri flyover in Mumbai or the Moolchand crossing in Delhi.

End of the World

My seven year old daughter asked me last night before going to bed: "Dad are there going to be Earthquakes tomorrow? Are we all going to die". I explained to her that these were rumours floated by people who did not know what was happening and what were the implications of the experiments carried out by CERN. She was assured and went off to a peaceful sleep.
But I was not very reassured myself and sat up and read up about the experiment and the arguments for and against it.
Now I am of a scientific bent of my and am fully aware that from a particular perspective, we live under the threat of extinction every day what with so many zombie like asteroids, planetoids, cosmic rays, planets going around the solar system, it is most surprising that we are still around after so many billions of years. You just need to look at the surface of the moon to know what I mean.
However some fundamental questions came to my mind and I list them in no particular order:
1. While scientists were planning this mega planet blower experiment, Indians were begging to be introduced to much less harmless nuclear suppliers group and people were seriously debating if India should be allowed further nuclear tests. I found it ironic.
2. CERN are the same group of people who discovered quite accidentally the Internet while researching some aspects of nuclear physics. It's a bit like Christopher Columbus... He became a famous discoverer after having preciously failed to discover what he wanted to doscover. I mean how seriously should we take cooks who set out to make samosas and end up making rasgullas instead [delicious though they might be]?
3. Fundamentally, how would we benefit if we are able to know precisely what happened after the big bang? Will it help us in any practical way? I know where I could have used that 5.5 billion dollars more fruitfully.
4. Should not there be more information sharing and debate before some such groups start on some such experiments? I mean here people are stripping naked to save some whales from wily Japanese and here there is not even a modicum of debate over what some people think is the end of the world. Remember human cloning is banned in many countries becuase of its moral implications.
5. Finally, I trust the scientists to the extent that they are not sucidal and will start off an experiment which will kill them first. But then who knows? It was after all some very gentlemanly but nutty scientists who handed over the atomic bomb to Oppenheimer.
6. Finally, please do not take such opportunities to seek the services of God. He will not be of much help, he never is.
But by God! if the experiments goes horribly wrong what a way it will be to go..... I wonder will it end with a bang or a whimper.

Made in America: Bill Bryson

According to the author this book is about America's contribution to the English language. But that is just the sub-text. The book really is one of the best history text books for anyone [and I guess there should be many in India] who wants to know a little bit about American history.

But I am getting ahead in the story. Let me begin by two confessions: 1. I have never been the US [that is saying something in this day and age!] 2. I had very little knowledge about American history till I read this book [Again that is saying something because since High School through to PhD, I have read only history. But then a gentleman called Thomas Babington Macaulay and his Indian followers had ensured that I knew more about Tudors and Stuarts than about the Boston Tea Party]

I am not going to summarise the book here since it is one of those books which has to be read and experienced. But just inform you that next time when you are in the US and you are not the type who would carry loads of rice and dal, cook yourself the same food everyday, stick to your community, save virtually more than you earn and look for Green Card from the time of your arrival; you must read this book. It will make you immesely knowledgeable about America and allow you to talk intelligently. The book starts at the beginning even before the Pilgrims [we are told that these were by far not the first settlers and by no means the best set of people]; talks about the several bunglings of Christopher Columbus, take you thorough the formation of the Union, the constitution, the civil war, and all that is American, language, sports, business, advertising and even sex.

The size of the book is intimidating, but once you start reading it you will find it engrossing: each page is like a new discovery.

And this is NOT the book which begins with the now famous Bryson line "I come from Des Moines, someone had to!" Yet I read the whole book but could not find the answer to a question that has been in my mind for 20 years now. In any international gathering an American [US] will state her/his name and the name of the city [even if it is Des Moines and little known outside the county: "Hi I am Bill Bryson from Des Moines"] This is completely contrary to the international custom. I have never heard an Indian saying "Hi I am Subho from Katihar" not a Japanese saying "I am Sugihara from Kyoto". Rarely a Brit would announce his/her city even if s/he is from London, Nor have a met a Rene from Niece. All of us have the natural habit of declaring our place of origin/domicile in an hierarchical order. Thus if I am in Bihar with the Biharis, I would say I am from Katihar; if I am in Delhi with people from other states, I would say I am from Bihar and if I am in London with people of many nationalities, I would say I am from India and then go on to explain my state and town. This, I believe is the general rule for all except Americans.

Mr Bryson does not mention why is this so. And I have not yet been able to develop a theory around it. If you have any theories please share them with me, else, I guess I would have to make that long overdue journey to the land of Mark Twain.