Left, Right, Left, Right...

Do worry I am not askng the reader to march to the sunset, not as yet. This is a simple entry on a rather complicated observation that I made when I was a younger man in my ancestral place which, no do not stretch your imagination, is not in any remote village in Bihar but just forty six kilometres away from Kolkata connected very well for the last 50 years by suburban trains and much else.... This is not exactly my ancestral place which was in East Bengal really.... but this was the place were my grandparents and father and uncles settled when they migrated after partition....
The name of the place is not important but the background certainly is... it has historically been in the heart of the Bengal Jute belt and since the time of the British has housed a large railway workshop, both of which were the primary employers of this town... Politically, post independence with the influx of refugees and more development it has been a sort of left bastion especially, the "refugee" dominated areas... Socially very advanced like most small towns in Bengal, caste colour and creed having very little importance...at least in Public dealings...
It was in this place one fine autumn evening in a house which is connected to mine by marriage and which is the vanguard of the local left politics I saw a bizarre sight:) The feet of a visiting guru being washed by the old widow of the house... nothing unusual for a 60 year old widow, I guess.... But the next scene was even more captivating.... All the members of the family being offered the feet washed water [a few drops] as Charanamrita.... It was a disgusting sight and I left hurriedly before my turn came... and this was in 1988 and not in the age of Ram Mohun Roy!
Little did I know then that more things change more they remain the same at least in our country... This internal cotradiction between more economic and political liberalism leading to more social conservatism OR publicly professed liberalism with privately practiced obscurantism exisits comfortably side by side in the same person in our country....
I was just thinking about this waiting in the traffic in front of the Sai Mandir on Lodi Road in Delhi the other day... it's an open temple by the side of the road, where on any thursday you will see a great collection of most liberated young men and women in designer jeans, fancy cars and other behaviourial parapharnelia of liberalism jostling to get a Darshan....
You would be tempted to call them hypocrites.... but it is certainly more complicated than that.... To move forward and backward in the same stride is a job which only an Indian can accomplish....
Mera Bharat Mahan...

Whisky? No, Peesky!

This is how one of our primeministers is claimed to have reacted when offered whisky on an overseas trip... It was claimed that he was a teetotaller and the only drink he preferred [apart from tea and milk presumably] was anearly morning cup of his own pee... May sound disgusting, but that kept him going for 96 years... as they say the proof of the pudding lies in eating it...I would also say for that Prime Minister that he knew his drinks, which can not be said about most Indians men or women... I shall take up women first... who prefer bacardi, smirnoff or some delicate french wines.... : Simple suggestions... please do not spend too much money on these brands, they are quite useless.... instead go for old monk [best dark rum in the world and made in India], Romanov [Oldest Vodka in India and one of the best in the world] and Please do not go for french wines, if you do not know about wines you would find the best of them very dry [sour]... Indian wines are good enough and a Chantilli [faux, of course] of Indage for 600 Rs would be a good bait...Now, for men if these are your preferred drinks the same advice applies... [we grow the largest volume and best quality sugarcane, potatoes and grapes so there is not reason why we cant make rum, vodka and wines as good as the others].... But if you are a man and do not like any of the above and prefer Whisky and beer, please listen to my advice.... All Indian whiskies are bad, in fact they are not whiskies at all.... You may instead have Teachers or Black Label... But if anything these are absolutely third rate whiskies and probably worse to the Indian palete than McDowell number 1. I suggest do not waste your money on Black/Red Labels or Teachers.... Of course, if you want to know what whisky really is go for that single malt and to the Indian taste, I guarantee you will take to them like fish to water.... any single malt will do.... but if you have the money go for McAllan.... Lagavulin or Laphroaig.... and please do not mix it with water.... I guarantee you, you will never have a hangover even after consuming half a bottle:) Beer drinkers... the world is your stage... but if you are not that broadminded, I suggest stick to Black label or Kingfisher... Fosters and Castle are third rate beers..... If however you really love good things in life here is a list: Bud, Kronenburg, DAB, Michelob among the lagers, if you want to do better, try bitters/ales from England, they are expensive and you need to cultivate the taste for sometime.... If you are brave try the best of them from Ireland branded as Guiness.... Jameson, the Irish Whiskey is also good.... I have never tried Jack Daniels which I do not believe is a whisky:) In the far east be careful about local brews they are exrtremely potent and after a few shots its every easy to eat that raw fish...Cheers....

TGIF or TGIS

Do not worry about the abbreviations on the title. I am sure most of you have been dealing with more complicated ones like RFID or RGBS and the like... This is really simple...Thank God Its Friday (TGIF) used to excite a lot of people... After a hard day's work one would look forward to the weekend from Friday evenings onwards etc etc...I have realised Friday is the worst day of the week. Its not Monday, it;s actually Friday... At least for people like me. it's the day when bosses dump a lot of work just around 4 PM and extract your promise to deliver by luchtime on Monday... that is tolerable, after all what else can bosses do... More repulsive is the behaviour of your reportees..... they have been promising to deliver a finished product since Monday and failed... come Friday 4 PM when you are tired of following up.... you get an email attaching a half finished work, which has to be completely reworked and the obviously Monday is the deadline... You rush out of your room to catch the bugger and the security guard tells you very helpfully that the guy jist left five minuted back... As a good guy you do not like to bother juniors on the mobile on Friday evenings......I have therefore devised a way of surviving this two two sided pressure: from top as well as from botttom... Whether I am in office on any other day of the week or not, I make sure that I put in at leat four hours every Saturday.. That's is the best time to get some serious work done... That is why I have devised this rather unimaginative term TGIS, thank god it;s saturday....
You may dislike this strategy, but for me it works very well. On Monday morning I am the only one laughing in the office.......

Highway Robbery

Have you ever been robbed by law enforcement authorities? I have never been, but I was told as a young boy growing up in Bihar that even when you are paying a bribe, do not ever take out your wallet in front of a police man, else whatever you have inside the wallet will no longer be yours i.e., what you have inside the wallet will determine how much you pay. It works noth ways, many a times I have shown empty wallets and got scott free with of course remarks about my economic and social standing. I do not mind those comments am thick skinned:) But that was not higway robbery. What is highway robbery is to pass an ordinance to get free stuff which has been bought at a cosiderable value by a small company. This is highway robbery and has beencommitted by the government of india or its infamous arm the Information and Broadcasting Ministry.I am sure the government has a sound reason to pass this ordinance, but it is just that it has failed to explain the reasons transparently to the public. If this is to reflect the popular feeling about cricket and how the teeming millions who have no access to cable TV or cannot afford to pay for viewing, it is then a good reason. But then it is the same ministry which has done away with Cable Operators and has started the expensive version of Cable or Satellite TV where viewers in certain areas of the major cities have paid through their noses or not been able to afford it at all [I paid 4000 Rs in Delhi for Tata Sky and 1500 for a CAS in Mumbai my maids and driver in both the places have not been so lucky. And now CAS is going to be extended to all cities].
Secondly, if cricket is so popular and needs to be reached to the masses whenever those matches happen, isnt Ramayana, Mahabharata or Nach baliye, Kyun Ki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu thi equally popular? Does the government have any plans to ask for free feed from TV companies for these popular serials as well? Then all of us can go back to watching good old Doordarshan free of cost:)
Confused? So am I!

Neo Colonialism

The buy out of Corus (erstwhile stolid British Steel merged with a dutch company) has had the Corus union in UK worried: obvious fear of job loss compounded by the fact that the jobs would be determined by and Indian company. Normally, the Brits are pretty tolerant and Bindas and the anti outsourcing lobby does not work threre half as well as it works in US. But as they say even the worm turns at last... Like the Indians have a high level of tolerance till you show Krishna as a vicious political animal, or try to paint pictures of Allah or think of releasing the last temptation. Let us face it, Corus is a very inefficient company and Tata Steel is very efficient. J N Tata while planning to establish a steel factory (which became TISCO the forerunner of Tata Steel) had returned empty handed from UK: he had gone there to raise money and seek exeprts in prospecting etc. He was told that the idea of building a steel plant in India was a pipe dream [I am sure the Vitorian Englishment would have used more soothing words to drive this message home to Mr Tata] Subsequenltly much of the technical expertise was brought in from the US and much of the money was raised in India [Mumbai]. This is history turning on its head:) Tata's of course have never detached themselves from the brits. In the initial years Tata Steel survived and thrived on guaranteed orders from the India Railways [which was owned by British stockowners] and Tata House in Grosvenor Square in London has been as venerable a sign of Indian presence in UK as the India House off London School of Economics.
India is the fourth or third largest inward investor in UK and with the corus deal we would have expected the following:
Airtel to take over Vodaphone in the next 3 years, BSNL to buy out British Telecom, DMRC to buy of London Underground; Vijay malla to buy out White and McKay and give us some good scotch at Indian prices; Appollo Group with eh support of Max can buy out National Health; HDFC and ICICI can make a joint pitch for the Insurance companies in Scotland and the Indian BPOs can buy out the Irish ones. As my Bangladeshi Brit friend in Whitechapel would say "In your dreams buddy"

Am I a Fool

I think I am a fool or something is seriously wrong with our crime investigation agencies. Since last week CBI has been raiding homes of police officers involved in allegedly conniving in the henious crimes at Nithari in NOIDA.I would assume that in order for a raid to be effective it has to be done suddenly and without prior information to the person or persons who homes are going tobe raided. This is at least true of Income Tax related raids, information on which are only shared in the last moment with only relevant officers of the department and raids are essentially carried out at ungodly hours so that the raidees are caught unawares. After the first raid on a junior police officer's house a more than a month after the case came to light, the CBI claimed to find some incriminating papers. So far so good.What did they do next? Spoke to the press and said that more raids would follow! This is what I read in newspapers yesterday. What was the wisdom behind this cute piece of communications to the press? To inform us that CBI is really working hard on the case? Or to inform the other suspected policeman to be aware and make best efforts to hide all incriminating papers before the raid happens? I dunno reallyOR is that the safe assumption of CBI that police officers do not read newspapers an watch television?I think it is the pathetic desire to talk more and work less that drives most organisations these days. In teh zeal to talk they sometimes forget what they should talk and what they should not talk about. This bug seems to have bitten many ministers, government departments, police and even the judiciary. I guess normally quiet and reticent government types are learning their communication skills pretty fast from the coprorate types:)

Confessions of a Sinner

Yes, I have been sinning regularly since I have arrived in Mumbai. It's a new city, I am alone, I work pressure is too much... all these have forced me to sin. It all started one Friday evening as I was walking back home from office [yes, i enjoy that rare pleasure in Mumbai of not having to drive or take a train to work:)]. As I was walking back home I discovered the pleasures of forbidden fruit and helped myself to one. It helped since it was highly discounted, Rs 200 only instead of 800 or so of the actual cost. Since then I indulge in it regularly and now it has becoming a habit and whenever I am travelling inside the city I keep an eye out for forbidden fruits and help myself to a couple of different ones every week. My appetite has grown to a all time high.Now, do not let your imagination run high on this one. Simple, i have been an avid reader and collector of books, but ever since the system of book advances have started and ever since I have stopped visiting Daryaganj on Sundays, I have not had my fill of books. In Mumbai i discovered the world of pirated books.. nice things they are, almost an exact replica.... some pages are badly printed... but what the heck? they are real value for money.i know it is not correct legally to buy pirated stuff.... but who can afford a book at market price? Only those who buy books to decorate shelves not to read them.... I have therefore been sining deliberately and enjoying eveny moment of it. In the bargain I have finished reading such books as "Blink", "Tipoing Points", Freakonomics, and many others.....So for the time being I would at least say One Cheer to the Pirates.....