Read a news item recently and it was quite hair-raising.
According to reaserchers [they do have a lot of money these days for such fancy researches]; female lions do not prefer [for mating purposes] male lions with full grown manes. Surprising isn't it? One would think the full maned lion symbolised virility and manliness to the extreme. But not so, according to the research.... lions with full grown, lush manes are actually past their prime and lionesses know this and prefer ones without fully grown manes....
Frankly, it is one of those stunning pieces of information that one can actually live without... publicly but privately sets you thinking isn't it.. Unless of course due to some freak of evolution lionesses are looking for younger and younger lions to perfect their offsprings and ensure their survival in an increasingly hostile environment!
For me the research was a personal debacle.... A few months back I noticed a healthy growth of hair on my ears and also noted that the hair inside the nose was getting denser... There was also more that usual sprouting on the hands and the legs. I justifiably got the impression that my day had come... I was on my way to ultimate manhood and of course weaving a couple of fantasies around some stunning women...
But that was before I read this innocuous piece of report tucked away in an obsecure corner of a newspaper... Since then my fantasies fuelled by the growth of hair has fallen flat on the ground.. What I thoughtto be the arrival of ultimate manhood was really the beginning of my middle age.... I am now a lion with a full mane... all dressed up and nowhere to go... This can be really depressing....
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Friday, November 17, 2006
Fools pay for ads...
Fools pay for advertisement, brand promotions etc; wise men partner with the government. Do not tell me you do not know this already. If you really do not know this adage you are naive and have not been around and done this.
The longest known case is that of one professor Arora whose business I presume was something akin to the marraige portals currently very popular in India. No no I am joking, he was an old world marriage fixer. There was a time in not so distant future when the all the railway boundary walls beyond the tracks in large swathe of area from Aligarh to Mughalsarai were marked "Rishte hi Rishte: Mil to Ley - Professor Arora (tel number).." [Lots and lots of proposals, just meet prof arora].
I have a feeling that these ads are still there are they continue to get brisk business for Prof Arora or is sons and all that the old man spends on them are on the cheap paint and cheap painter.....
Nearer home, one gentleman is doing brisk business by painting the walls with "Beanbags" I assume he is paying to the owners of those walls..... {do you think he is?}
What can our political leaders say? Most of them who grew up through the ranks have some experience of soiling their hands and other people's walls {free of cost} during every large and small elections.
When the walls started getting crowded or when building owners started demanding money there was a subtle shift and upwardly movement. If you are in Delhi look up the electricity posts {Delhi is the only metro in India where most of the supply wires are overhead and hence there is not dearth of electricity posts}. hanging from three quarters from the top would be a thick mass of plastic ropes, literally hundreds of them in each post, like orchids on a large tree.... You will wonder what are these? Let me tell u they represent a perpetual fight between MCD officials and those who think it is there right to advertise their chaddis, banians and hawai chappals and speacial sales free of cost on government property. These are threads with which self made ad gurus tie banners on posts across major roads in Delhi. What you see is MSD's relentless attempt to cut off the banners and leave the plastic strips behind.... It is like fighting parthenium in your neighbourhood, more you cut more they grow.
Now I think they have become stricter and our ad gurus have moved to greener pastures... Opportunity was created in Delhi in the 1980s with terrorism looming large and elsewhere in the 1990s when terrorism caught up with other cities {Delhi has always been a flagbearer!!!}.
What is the link between terrorism and free ads? None you would say. That would only show how little you know about the ad world....
With the proliferation of terrorism Delhi and other major cities went for red alerts and checks on roads... nakaband! This required large number of movable iron barricades... Here was a great opportunity for free advertisement.... Police being a state subject they are always short on money even in Delhi... so up came the enterpriseing ad man and pinted all the barricades with various things from hawai chappals to silk sarees [Police Check, Stop! was perfunctorily added to the top part of these barricades]. Over time, we had such interesting spaces as Police Station hordings for up for sale. The cost of occupying these prime outdoor spots??? Next to none, you just paid for the barricade.. or the temporary road divider...
Over the years these, what I call public service ads, have come to proliferate Housing societies [Alankar Jewellers Palm Court Housing Society]; Society Gates [ICICI Lombard, no vendors inside] and so on.
And there you are still paying large amounts of money to get your brand a place under the sun....
The longest known case is that of one professor Arora whose business I presume was something akin to the marraige portals currently very popular in India. No no I am joking, he was an old world marriage fixer. There was a time in not so distant future when the all the railway boundary walls beyond the tracks in large swathe of area from Aligarh to Mughalsarai were marked "Rishte hi Rishte: Mil to Ley - Professor Arora (tel number).." [Lots and lots of proposals, just meet prof arora].
I have a feeling that these ads are still there are they continue to get brisk business for Prof Arora or is sons and all that the old man spends on them are on the cheap paint and cheap painter.....
Nearer home, one gentleman is doing brisk business by painting the walls with "Beanbags" I assume he is paying to the owners of those walls..... {do you think he is?}
What can our political leaders say? Most of them who grew up through the ranks have some experience of soiling their hands and other people's walls {free of cost} during every large and small elections.
When the walls started getting crowded or when building owners started demanding money there was a subtle shift and upwardly movement. If you are in Delhi look up the electricity posts {Delhi is the only metro in India where most of the supply wires are overhead and hence there is not dearth of electricity posts}. hanging from three quarters from the top would be a thick mass of plastic ropes, literally hundreds of them in each post, like orchids on a large tree.... You will wonder what are these? Let me tell u they represent a perpetual fight between MCD officials and those who think it is there right to advertise their chaddis, banians and hawai chappals and speacial sales free of cost on government property. These are threads with which self made ad gurus tie banners on posts across major roads in Delhi. What you see is MSD's relentless attempt to cut off the banners and leave the plastic strips behind.... It is like fighting parthenium in your neighbourhood, more you cut more they grow.
Now I think they have become stricter and our ad gurus have moved to greener pastures... Opportunity was created in Delhi in the 1980s with terrorism looming large and elsewhere in the 1990s when terrorism caught up with other cities {Delhi has always been a flagbearer!!!}.
What is the link between terrorism and free ads? None you would say. That would only show how little you know about the ad world....
With the proliferation of terrorism Delhi and other major cities went for red alerts and checks on roads... nakaband! This required large number of movable iron barricades... Here was a great opportunity for free advertisement.... Police being a state subject they are always short on money even in Delhi... so up came the enterpriseing ad man and pinted all the barricades with various things from hawai chappals to silk sarees [Police Check, Stop! was perfunctorily added to the top part of these barricades]. Over time, we had such interesting spaces as Police Station hordings for up for sale. The cost of occupying these prime outdoor spots??? Next to none, you just paid for the barricade.. or the temporary road divider...
Over the years these, what I call public service ads, have come to proliferate Housing societies [Alankar Jewellers Palm Court Housing Society]; Society Gates [ICICI Lombard, no vendors inside] and so on.
And there you are still paying large amounts of money to get your brand a place under the sun....
Free Market India
Many years back, Euromoney group used to publish the "Doing Business" series. I had the pleasure of looking at "Doing Business in India's" first edition. It was a very well researched piece and therefore very useful for any foreign investor. But no sooner had I reached the second page of the volume, I realised that the blokes at Euromoney had no idea about doing business in India. Later, my doubts about the veracity of such resports were confirmed when I returned to Delhi with the purpose of making it my home.
You have to be here for sometime to understand how business is conducted in India and by business I mean small time and now big time retailing: Walmarts of the world please take note how Indian shopkeepers get their competitive edge:
1. Start a shop in the location of your choice do not bother about regulations, there are none. Rent if at all any will be dirt cheap because the owner of the building too follows your business practices and has few overhead costs
1a. Power is free, you just have to buy a wire to tap it
1b. Save floor space by asking staff to pee on roads, park in the adjoining galis and keep the dustbin outside the shop and litter the area all around it
1c. The nearest empty space is to cater to your future expansion plans so please do not hesitate to use it should u need it
2. Draw other likeminded shopkeepers to the locality: strength and legitimacy lies in numbers [after all we are a democracy]
3. After sufficient numbers have set up shop, the area becomes a shopping complex of a market or bazar. More shopekeepers and clients get drawn to it, you become a constituency and garner political support.
4. Mark up as much as you want, people have a lot of money these days
5. Of course, you would be staying in a posh locality no where near this market that u have helped create
6. of course you will send your children to good schools, hoping that they will become cleverer than you and manage the business better
7. Strength lies in numbers (all of you are voters and consituency), local law enforcers are dependent on you for various supplements: from free tea to free lacoste tees.
8. Once in a while an old fogey of a judge will say some unpleasant truths and by the power of his office create some trouble with you. Do not fear... you can use a lot of ruse to save your skin. here are some:
a) We are poor people and hence we are being tortured (Oh really? That Honda Accord parked outside your shop is not a customer's
b) This is a democracy and noone can stop our right to earn (Yeah! U have taken away my right to live in the neighbourhood)
c) How will we send our children to school (Think of what those chidren will think of you when they grow up and find out that you were a thief and had set up illegally)
e) Government has not made adequate number of shops for us (Brother, are u living in middle ages? your industrialist cousins are crying themselves hoarse asking the government to get out of everything except governance)
Judges are of course human beings too.... they will soften up and will leave most of you free to carry on your honourable task of screwing up more areas... Jai Bharat.
You have to be here for sometime to understand how business is conducted in India and by business I mean small time and now big time retailing: Walmarts of the world please take note how Indian shopkeepers get their competitive edge:
1. Start a shop in the location of your choice do not bother about regulations, there are none. Rent if at all any will be dirt cheap because the owner of the building too follows your business practices and has few overhead costs
1a. Power is free, you just have to buy a wire to tap it
1b. Save floor space by asking staff to pee on roads, park in the adjoining galis and keep the dustbin outside the shop and litter the area all around it
1c. The nearest empty space is to cater to your future expansion plans so please do not hesitate to use it should u need it
2. Draw other likeminded shopkeepers to the locality: strength and legitimacy lies in numbers [after all we are a democracy]
3. After sufficient numbers have set up shop, the area becomes a shopping complex of a market or bazar. More shopekeepers and clients get drawn to it, you become a constituency and garner political support.
4. Mark up as much as you want, people have a lot of money these days
5. Of course, you would be staying in a posh locality no where near this market that u have helped create
6. of course you will send your children to good schools, hoping that they will become cleverer than you and manage the business better
7. Strength lies in numbers (all of you are voters and consituency), local law enforcers are dependent on you for various supplements: from free tea to free lacoste tees.
8. Once in a while an old fogey of a judge will say some unpleasant truths and by the power of his office create some trouble with you. Do not fear... you can use a lot of ruse to save your skin. here are some:
a) We are poor people and hence we are being tortured (Oh really? That Honda Accord parked outside your shop is not a customer's
b) This is a democracy and noone can stop our right to earn (Yeah! U have taken away my right to live in the neighbourhood)
c) How will we send our children to school (Think of what those chidren will think of you when they grow up and find out that you were a thief and had set up illegally)
e) Government has not made adequate number of shops for us (Brother, are u living in middle ages? your industrialist cousins are crying themselves hoarse asking the government to get out of everything except governance)
Judges are of course human beings too.... they will soften up and will leave most of you free to carry on your honourable task of screwing up more areas... Jai Bharat.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Flying High
If newpaper reports are to be believed, millions of people are abandoning Indian Railways and travelling by planes. I know Indians had arrived a long time back but now it seems they are arriving fast as well.
Good news for all airlines. With one exception and one with fudged accounts all of them are making losses and if the trend continues, most of them will become public service carriers. I am of course not qualified to comment on the business plans of the airlines companies [although one of them has billed me twice for the same ticket and is refusing a refund and this could prove to be a very profitable new line of business for this airline. Surprisingly, this did not happen on an online purchase which is what people fear most, but across the counter with a physical card swipe. Anyway, I digress]
My views are C2C. heard of that before? No? Which world do you live in mon ami? This is customer to customer. I share my experience with you so that u do not get taken for a ride. That's the hottest thing on the net now... So welcome to the world of C2C and here is my straight take on the various airlines crisscrossing the Indian skies: This are of course personal views culled from personal experience and not meant to influence any users [with this I self exempt myself from any libel: one of them billed me twice and if another one slaps a case against me, I will have no option but to become a Shankaracharya and walk around the country, hence the disclaimer].
So here it goes: First Indian [they have gottend rid of the extra fat in the form of Airlines that they earlier had, it's like a reverse boob job to look younger]. I know what you are thinking: those airhostesses, right? I fly Indian because of those airhostesses and I recomend you to do that as well. They are damned efficient, one of them held my three month old baby for 40 minutes on a Mumbai Delhi flight and relieved my wife who was travelling alone to catch up with her lunch. At the end of the day [please do not take it literally], if there is a mishap i would trust my life with experience rather than ... you know what.
Jet Airways: Pioneer among the private operators. Highly skilled and evolved animal especially with pricing. You would always get the right flight with the wrong price or vice versa. One great thing I admire: the napkins are real and they have a button hole so that men can hang it from their top button.
Kingfisher: Good visuals inside the plane [ I do not only mean the TV screens with every seat, but that's great as well] It has style and competitive pricing
Go Air: Good cost and professional service [or lack of it] I like it, no fuss over food buy a packet or don't buy it.
I havent flown Deccan, Spice and Indogo I am mustering courage to do so... Sahara has been around for a long time, but I havent flown it as yet. Probably next time I go to Kolkata.....
Just an idea for the low cost carriers: The curent slogan is second class comparative prices. This should change to the below:
Full service: Cost 6,0000
Low Cost: Airfare: 3500 same seat, same plane, same time, why pay 2500 for crap food!!
This will encourage reverse flow from full service airlines
Cheers
Good news for all airlines. With one exception and one with fudged accounts all of them are making losses and if the trend continues, most of them will become public service carriers. I am of course not qualified to comment on the business plans of the airlines companies [although one of them has billed me twice for the same ticket and is refusing a refund and this could prove to be a very profitable new line of business for this airline. Surprisingly, this did not happen on an online purchase which is what people fear most, but across the counter with a physical card swipe. Anyway, I digress]
My views are C2C. heard of that before? No? Which world do you live in mon ami? This is customer to customer. I share my experience with you so that u do not get taken for a ride. That's the hottest thing on the net now... So welcome to the world of C2C and here is my straight take on the various airlines crisscrossing the Indian skies: This are of course personal views culled from personal experience and not meant to influence any users [with this I self exempt myself from any libel: one of them billed me twice and if another one slaps a case against me, I will have no option but to become a Shankaracharya and walk around the country, hence the disclaimer].
So here it goes: First Indian [they have gottend rid of the extra fat in the form of Airlines that they earlier had, it's like a reverse boob job to look younger]. I know what you are thinking: those airhostesses, right? I fly Indian because of those airhostesses and I recomend you to do that as well. They are damned efficient, one of them held my three month old baby for 40 minutes on a Mumbai Delhi flight and relieved my wife who was travelling alone to catch up with her lunch. At the end of the day [please do not take it literally], if there is a mishap i would trust my life with experience rather than ... you know what.
Jet Airways: Pioneer among the private operators. Highly skilled and evolved animal especially with pricing. You would always get the right flight with the wrong price or vice versa. One great thing I admire: the napkins are real and they have a button hole so that men can hang it from their top button.
Kingfisher: Good visuals inside the plane [ I do not only mean the TV screens with every seat, but that's great as well] It has style and competitive pricing
Go Air: Good cost and professional service [or lack of it] I like it, no fuss over food buy a packet or don't buy it.
I havent flown Deccan, Spice and Indogo I am mustering courage to do so... Sahara has been around for a long time, but I havent flown it as yet. Probably next time I go to Kolkata.....
Just an idea for the low cost carriers: The curent slogan is second class comparative prices. This should change to the below:
Full service: Cost 6,0000
Low Cost: Airfare: 3500 same seat, same plane, same time, why pay 2500 for crap food!!
This will encourage reverse flow from full service airlines
Cheers
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
"Nazar" Pendant
When I was 2 years old my grandmother, too proud of her "fat" and not so dark youngest grandson, did what most grandmothers blinded with affection do: Introduced me the the world of "black magic". She bought a black nazar thread and tied it around my waist. You do not get these threads any more, but it was a neat peice of craftmanship and was looped in a way that it could easily adjust to my pre and post lunch tummy. Of course, the challenge was to hold it in place while my grandmother soaped and scrubbed me [that was the only piece of "textile" I was allowed to wear while bathing!]
Soon I discovered that many others kids in my neighbourood wore the same thread around their waist and in fact there was a street hawker who sold them by the bunches everyday.
I guess, in the late sixties and early years of seventies when India Inc was not doing too well in terms of food security, infant mortality, politics, social tensions etc., as a post-partition migrant from the east who had lost it all once, my gradmother found the usual way to protect her grandson from the evil eye.
Just a small digression: this was in small town Bihar and believe you me, those were the best days for urban Bihar. the roads were cleaned everyday, 24x7 electricity supply ensured that generators were not known in these parts, you could get the fish of your choice in the market, you could drink Coke and Fanta during movie intervals and my mother did once walk down the streets in her skirt and top without anyone batting an eyelid [my father had in a state of suspended judgement bought it for her on his first trip to Mumbai]
Be that as it may, I grew up to be a pretty decent boy and was now under the direction of my working mother as the first born, only son. She decided that I needed something stronger to keep me away from the evil spirit. I was therefore quickly taken to a local pir [my family was non denominational and subscribed to any god or pir that seem to work in our favour, a trait my ancestors carried from their hoary past in the syncrestic swamp lands of east bengal]. The pir wrote something on a piece of paper shoved it inside an amulet, sealed the opening of the amulet with wax and tied it across on my left arm with a black thread. The pir happened to be a relative of my mother's 'daftari' at the local court, so the service and the product were supplied free of cost. So up came the amulet on my arm and on the second day down it went with a longer black thread to my waist [Even at that age I knew better than to wear my attitude (amulet) on my sleeve (left arm)]
Long gone are the days of hawkers selling black loops, you would not find then even in rural Bihar; Pirs too do not dispense amulets free of cost and in any case most of them have other pressing duties to the Almighty. One would think in the natural progression of civilization they lost out on their roles. And why not? with India Inc going great guns, India exporting food along side software codes, life looking up for the average Indians; no one seems to be in the need of the insignificant nazar thread or amulet. In any case, those whose stars are acting funny could always go to an overpriced jeweller consult an over priced astrologer and buy an over priced stone.
So since my daughter's birth in 2001 I have been looking quite desperately for a low cost solution to the problem of nazar [evil eye] without luck till recently. It was only the other day that I seem to have been directed to the solution.
Again, as in many critical insights of life, late night TV came to my help. Yes, one night, sitting under the faux chandelier in front of my TV, I attained the ultimate knowledge. There was an half an hour advertorial on a channel, talking about the ill effects of evil eye on children and adults and advising me to buy a Nazar Pendant. So the little street hawker and the poor pir were back in a new avatar of a mighty TV channel - Wow! and also selling for a change exactly what I was looking for. I discovered more: now you do not have to wander from ashram to ashram in hardwar or rudraprayag or badrinath to look for that one mouthed [holed] rudraksha, if you know which channel to watch. This was great news and for such services alone, TV should be rated "Public Serivce Media" just as newspapers are.
Much enlighted from the experience I walked to Tanishq next morning and bought a 10 gram gold biscuit for my daughter, my second gesture of securing her future.... [the first one was of course sending her to a good play school]
Soon I discovered that many others kids in my neighbourood wore the same thread around their waist and in fact there was a street hawker who sold them by the bunches everyday.
I guess, in the late sixties and early years of seventies when India Inc was not doing too well in terms of food security, infant mortality, politics, social tensions etc., as a post-partition migrant from the east who had lost it all once, my gradmother found the usual way to protect her grandson from the evil eye.
Just a small digression: this was in small town Bihar and believe you me, those were the best days for urban Bihar. the roads were cleaned everyday, 24x7 electricity supply ensured that generators were not known in these parts, you could get the fish of your choice in the market, you could drink Coke and Fanta during movie intervals and my mother did once walk down the streets in her skirt and top without anyone batting an eyelid [my father had in a state of suspended judgement bought it for her on his first trip to Mumbai]
Be that as it may, I grew up to be a pretty decent boy and was now under the direction of my working mother as the first born, only son. She decided that I needed something stronger to keep me away from the evil spirit. I was therefore quickly taken to a local pir [my family was non denominational and subscribed to any god or pir that seem to work in our favour, a trait my ancestors carried from their hoary past in the syncrestic swamp lands of east bengal]. The pir wrote something on a piece of paper shoved it inside an amulet, sealed the opening of the amulet with wax and tied it across on my left arm with a black thread. The pir happened to be a relative of my mother's 'daftari' at the local court, so the service and the product were supplied free of cost. So up came the amulet on my arm and on the second day down it went with a longer black thread to my waist [Even at that age I knew better than to wear my attitude (amulet) on my sleeve (left arm)]
Long gone are the days of hawkers selling black loops, you would not find then even in rural Bihar; Pirs too do not dispense amulets free of cost and in any case most of them have other pressing duties to the Almighty. One would think in the natural progression of civilization they lost out on their roles. And why not? with India Inc going great guns, India exporting food along side software codes, life looking up for the average Indians; no one seems to be in the need of the insignificant nazar thread or amulet. In any case, those whose stars are acting funny could always go to an overpriced jeweller consult an over priced astrologer and buy an over priced stone.
So since my daughter's birth in 2001 I have been looking quite desperately for a low cost solution to the problem of nazar [evil eye] without luck till recently. It was only the other day that I seem to have been directed to the solution.
Again, as in many critical insights of life, late night TV came to my help. Yes, one night, sitting under the faux chandelier in front of my TV, I attained the ultimate knowledge. There was an half an hour advertorial on a channel, talking about the ill effects of evil eye on children and adults and advising me to buy a Nazar Pendant. So the little street hawker and the poor pir were back in a new avatar of a mighty TV channel - Wow! and also selling for a change exactly what I was looking for. I discovered more: now you do not have to wander from ashram to ashram in hardwar or rudraprayag or badrinath to look for that one mouthed [holed] rudraksha, if you know which channel to watch. This was great news and for such services alone, TV should be rated "Public Serivce Media" just as newspapers are.
Much enlighted from the experience I walked to Tanishq next morning and bought a 10 gram gold biscuit for my daughter, my second gesture of securing her future.... [the first one was of course sending her to a good play school]
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