Sunderbans [the largest mangrove forest in the world: [12 March 2007] Home to the Royal Bengal Tiger and the Ferocious Crocodile
A Conversation Between A Tiger and a Crocodile:
Tiger How Many today?
Croc: Bad day mate only two
T: At this rate we shall never be able to cull them and free our habitat
C: How many did you cull today?
T: maimed and dead combine 15
C: That's a good day's work
T: Yeah I guess only you and I can do it here, others are all useless, you see they are vegetarians and generally do not kill or destroy something they do not eat.
C: Yeah that fat ass elephant refused to kill any humans saying that that was not his job and in any case he had not taste for human meat
T: Mate that is why we will never be able to score over humans, we are too logical
C: But look at the speed with which the buggers are breeding and encroaching on our property and getting aggressive and killing us
T: Mate it is a losing battle
C: Seems like only option for us is to behave like our friends the dogs and go and settle down in the cities
T: They are really remarkable, look how they have completely changed their habitat, they were once wild animals hunting in packs, now they either adorn and guard rich people's house or have become smart urban foragers
C:Mate I can't beg and eat left overs out of plastic bags
T: Me too, I guess we will have to control our bredding and finally disappear in order to make more and more room for the humans
Bangalore [India's silicon valley and home to large number of ownerles dogs] 12 March 2007
A Conversation between two dogs:
Senior dog to start up dog: Why the hell did you have to kill that child? Dont you know they are harmless?
Guilty Start up Dog: Boss, I said sorry so many times... to so many people
Senior Dog: Sorry does not help anymore my boy, look at what you have brought down on the entire community. you have given us a very bad name and invited the wrath of the most ferocious and intellectually superior animal in this planet.
Guilty Start Up dog: But even the baby's father said on TV that it was not my fault it, I am after all a dog he said and would get attracted to offals thrown out of illegal meat shops
Senior Dog: My boy, you are too young to know that rationality is the first victim when human bengs are hit by a situation, they are not like us... Now run and try to save your life as I would mine...
New Delhi [capital of India and home to many ex-celebrities looking for a cause to support] 12 March
Monologues of a Celebrity:
They have killed them like butchers, 1,500 of them, the local authorities are acting like Hitler and this will only acentuate the menace dogs will grow more feral and bite more people the best way is to make them incapable of breeding en masse, and kill the sick ones...
Mumbai 13 March 2007 [Richest city of India and home to a large number of stray animals and humans and also lovers of such strays]
Observations of an Idiot
Worli: No stray dogs and no mosquitoes.... Clean roads, proper garbage disposal systems, automatic control on breeding of strays.... Some cats in and around societies...
Andheri east: dirty roads, garbage on roads, overcrowding, full of stray dogs, stray people and mosquitoes... right envoronment for breeding... more dogs more sympathies... more food and more dogs....
Conclusion: Controlling dogs is really in human hands
Thoughts of an Idiot
Of course protecting habitats of tiger and croc are also in human hands, all they need to do is to control breed[ing] and greed...
Why can not we achieve both especially since both are apparently in our hands?
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
Tea and RedBull
There is a smallish railway junction near Kolkata called Naihati.. It is now a junction for suburban trains. But before partition it used to be on a trunk route to north bengal and assam through what is now bangladesh.. and it was this route which many of the wretched "coolies" took to reach the assam planations from the bridgehead of Brahmaputra. But I digress.
In Naihati station there is [still is] a tea stall as ancient as A H Wheeler books stalls which was licensed to be opened at least 70-80 years back. That tea stall has a large signboard in bengali which lists out "The Benefits of Drinking Tea" a) It stimulates the body b) It gives energy c) It is healthy d) It energises the mind
Those were early days of tea marketing in India [most of the tea before the second world war was for the export market] and simple marketing techniques worked on simple folks and the result is for all of us to see... bengalis at least have become prolific tea drinkers in the last 70-80 years and even today coffee is considered to be a treat in most of bengal to be had only on special occasions in the winter [I am discounting the consumption pattern of the Coffee House type Calcuttans here!]
That was way back in the past. Today, I had the pleasure of having a lovely thali lunch at a small restaurant in Worli quite literally at the heart of capitalist Mumbai and while I was savouring my rasam, an odd laminated poster drew my attention... Coloured in Blue and Red it was a RedBull advertisement, and guess what it said? Yes you are right... Alomost word for word it was same as the Tea advertisement I mentioned about... If you do not believe me you must pay a visit to Kalpana at Worli Naka and have a look for yourself:)
Is it true then that more things change more they remain the same?
By the way, in case you have missed it... Tea is marketed by the tea board now as a happening drink... teak drinkers are supposed to be smart, quick witted and fleetfooted... not stuffed shirts like the coffee drinkers... So choose your drink carefully
In Naihati station there is [still is] a tea stall as ancient as A H Wheeler books stalls which was licensed to be opened at least 70-80 years back. That tea stall has a large signboard in bengali which lists out "The Benefits of Drinking Tea" a) It stimulates the body b) It gives energy c) It is healthy d) It energises the mind
Those were early days of tea marketing in India [most of the tea before the second world war was for the export market] and simple marketing techniques worked on simple folks and the result is for all of us to see... bengalis at least have become prolific tea drinkers in the last 70-80 years and even today coffee is considered to be a treat in most of bengal to be had only on special occasions in the winter [I am discounting the consumption pattern of the Coffee House type Calcuttans here!]
That was way back in the past. Today, I had the pleasure of having a lovely thali lunch at a small restaurant in Worli quite literally at the heart of capitalist Mumbai and while I was savouring my rasam, an odd laminated poster drew my attention... Coloured in Blue and Red it was a RedBull advertisement, and guess what it said? Yes you are right... Alomost word for word it was same as the Tea advertisement I mentioned about... If you do not believe me you must pay a visit to Kalpana at Worli Naka and have a look for yourself:)
Is it true then that more things change more they remain the same?
By the way, in case you have missed it... Tea is marketed by the tea board now as a happening drink... teak drinkers are supposed to be smart, quick witted and fleetfooted... not stuffed shirts like the coffee drinkers... So choose your drink carefully
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Shall We Dance
If you have seen this movie [it is very watchable starring Richard Gere, Susan Sarandon and Jennifer Lopez] you would not have missed out on the character played by Stanley Tucci... A bald and non-similing lawyer by the day and a dressed up dancer with a fancy wig and a set of false teeth by the night.... The highlight of Tucci's makeover which he explains at length to Gere is a set of false teeth which is sparkling white and which is permanently held in the grin mode... Of course both come out at the end with much sadness and laughter revealing the real man...
Something similar has been happening to corporate India in the last theree years... the false grin on Budget days has been accentuated by a fancy flase wig of "affirmative action in the form of training underprivileged people and bringing them up to scratch"; to forsetall a veiled threat by the government to bring in affirmative action [read job quota] through legislation....
After the Budget this year the false teeth is out: Following a non-exciting budget from the industry perspective, directives have been sent out by some ministries to select sectors to the effect the the propsed tax hikes should be absorbed by these sectors and not passed on to users thereby initiating a cascading effect on prices... the sectors interestingly are steel and cement - basic commodities for the booming construction and auto sectors....
The wig too is at the verge of being pulled off: One active ministry has sent a directive to large industry associations stating that proposals for affirmative action submitted by them are not enough and are too slow moving... adding that all their members need to state in their annual reports what affirmative action they have taken [read how many underprivileged have been emploed by them in course of the year]
Now that the grin and the wig are out, will we see the real dance of India Inc? I wish we do not have to say "only time will tell" on this one....
Something similar has been happening to corporate India in the last theree years... the false grin on Budget days has been accentuated by a fancy flase wig of "affirmative action in the form of training underprivileged people and bringing them up to scratch"; to forsetall a veiled threat by the government to bring in affirmative action [read job quota] through legislation....
After the Budget this year the false teeth is out: Following a non-exciting budget from the industry perspective, directives have been sent out by some ministries to select sectors to the effect the the propsed tax hikes should be absorbed by these sectors and not passed on to users thereby initiating a cascading effect on prices... the sectors interestingly are steel and cement - basic commodities for the booming construction and auto sectors....
The wig too is at the verge of being pulled off: One active ministry has sent a directive to large industry associations stating that proposals for affirmative action submitted by them are not enough and are too slow moving... adding that all their members need to state in their annual reports what affirmative action they have taken [read how many underprivileged have been emploed by them in course of the year]
Now that the grin and the wig are out, will we see the real dance of India Inc? I wish we do not have to say "only time will tell" on this one....
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Holi Hai!
Holi, Bihar 1983:
Get up at seven change into torn clothes, by 8 paint yourself thoroughly with oil based aluminium paint so that no one can maul your clean face and get out. On the sly have bhang ka peda [ground bhang paste between two pedas] and get ready for the show.... By 11 am you are high and short on colours and that is when you thank the municipal cororpation for keeping the dains dirty and open... you are lucky if you save yourself a dip in the muck, if you are unlucky and very high, you start feeling that the drain is actually a comfortable bed... 1 PM back home to clean up with kerosene oil and a scrub 2 PM lunch and still very high.... 5 PM wake up change into Kurta Pyjama get out with friends to go house calling and catching up with the pretty girls who refused to come out in the morning... liberal use of gulal on the girls and bhabhi jis and liberal pet pujs of singharas and jalebis and gujias.... 8 PM back home still high but mentally happy.... have puris and sleep with gulal in your head... I just described one day, i.e., the main day of holi otherwise Holi stretches to one week in Bihar and if some enthusiasts are to be tolerated: "Holi Ka mahina hai, kuch bhi ho sakta hai"!
Calcutta 1987: Hindu Hostel
Holi is not for us, so kep that 12 foot door of the room closed.... reassuring because not even an elephant can break through that 100 year old door.... Lot of banging outside, much like Vandals at the Roman Gates, have a quick bath step out to see what the proletariats are doing from a safe distance... 5 PM after a long day's wait open the bottle of McDowell number one and dig in with room mates.... Oh what a day it has been
New Delhi 1991, JNU
The festival of proletarat is institutionalised here... bhang is served post breakfast in the hostel mess... 9 am every one is out on the Jhelum lawns with Bhang ka sharbat in waterbottles... Kavi Sammelan, leftie songs, keeping an eye on which babe is getting stoned with which hunk...some drunken brawls....2 PM no food in the mess, no shops outside open, no water, wait till 4 PM without food and water to clean up... End of the day....
London 1997
A day after holi: "did you know it was holi yesterday, shit man we missed all the fun, we should have stayed in Southall not in posh Russell Sqaure" Lot of nostalgia, four cans of beer in the evening, at last a new excuse to drink... Dinner at 12... 1 AM neighbours request to lower the volume of the music.... 2 AM more nostalgia as people go back to their flats around the square...
Delhi 2004, Posh College Campus
11 am, change into "Holi Clothes" there are only 24 flats on the colony start with the one next door and visit every one... every one visits everyone dabs a little blotch of gulal on the forehead... everyone gathers in someone's lawns, lots of good food which most can't have because food is too rich and bodies too old.... Lots of good scotch, canned beers and branded vodka.... can't have much... Lots of old songs 1 PM catch the watet and clean yourself... early end to the day.... Biryani and Kababs at home with a few friends....
Mumbai 2007
No idea... But Holi now happens on TV. Noticed how all the serials on all the channels have TV theme in them right from the morning... This is bringing Holi to your living room, no fuss, no dirt, no cleaning up afterwards, no gali, no mithai.... Just digitised Holi on the screen... It is almost like watching pornography... deriving vicarious pleasure by watching others play holi on the screen!
It's indeed been a long journey.....
Have a great Holi
Get up at seven change into torn clothes, by 8 paint yourself thoroughly with oil based aluminium paint so that no one can maul your clean face and get out. On the sly have bhang ka peda [ground bhang paste between two pedas] and get ready for the show.... By 11 am you are high and short on colours and that is when you thank the municipal cororpation for keeping the dains dirty and open... you are lucky if you save yourself a dip in the muck, if you are unlucky and very high, you start feeling that the drain is actually a comfortable bed... 1 PM back home to clean up with kerosene oil and a scrub 2 PM lunch and still very high.... 5 PM wake up change into Kurta Pyjama get out with friends to go house calling and catching up with the pretty girls who refused to come out in the morning... liberal use of gulal on the girls and bhabhi jis and liberal pet pujs of singharas and jalebis and gujias.... 8 PM back home still high but mentally happy.... have puris and sleep with gulal in your head... I just described one day, i.e., the main day of holi otherwise Holi stretches to one week in Bihar and if some enthusiasts are to be tolerated: "Holi Ka mahina hai, kuch bhi ho sakta hai"!
Calcutta 1987: Hindu Hostel
Holi is not for us, so kep that 12 foot door of the room closed.... reassuring because not even an elephant can break through that 100 year old door.... Lot of banging outside, much like Vandals at the Roman Gates, have a quick bath step out to see what the proletariats are doing from a safe distance... 5 PM after a long day's wait open the bottle of McDowell number one and dig in with room mates.... Oh what a day it has been
New Delhi 1991, JNU
The festival of proletarat is institutionalised here... bhang is served post breakfast in the hostel mess... 9 am every one is out on the Jhelum lawns with Bhang ka sharbat in waterbottles... Kavi Sammelan, leftie songs, keeping an eye on which babe is getting stoned with which hunk...some drunken brawls....2 PM no food in the mess, no shops outside open, no water, wait till 4 PM without food and water to clean up... End of the day....
London 1997
A day after holi: "did you know it was holi yesterday, shit man we missed all the fun, we should have stayed in Southall not in posh Russell Sqaure" Lot of nostalgia, four cans of beer in the evening, at last a new excuse to drink... Dinner at 12... 1 AM neighbours request to lower the volume of the music.... 2 AM more nostalgia as people go back to their flats around the square...
Delhi 2004, Posh College Campus
11 am, change into "Holi Clothes" there are only 24 flats on the colony start with the one next door and visit every one... every one visits everyone dabs a little blotch of gulal on the forehead... everyone gathers in someone's lawns, lots of good food which most can't have because food is too rich and bodies too old.... Lots of good scotch, canned beers and branded vodka.... can't have much... Lots of old songs 1 PM catch the watet and clean yourself... early end to the day.... Biryani and Kababs at home with a few friends....
Mumbai 2007
No idea... But Holi now happens on TV. Noticed how all the serials on all the channels have TV theme in them right from the morning... This is bringing Holi to your living room, no fuss, no dirt, no cleaning up afterwards, no gali, no mithai.... Just digitised Holi on the screen... It is almost like watching pornography... deriving vicarious pleasure by watching others play holi on the screen!
It's indeed been a long journey.....
Have a great Holi
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